As I sit today at Baptist Hospital, having some time of reflection in my office ("my" office, as in I share it with three other Chaplain Residents) I realize that given the choice, most of us would have rather stayed in bed this morning than be wherever we are. I mean, my bed is ridiculously comfortable. I love it. But I wonder what this is all about. Really, what I am wondering is about our attitudes and our heart-level motivations that bring us to where we are. I am amazed at the number of times I hear and feel the sentiment, "I don't feel like doing anything today," even in a group of ministers.
What is that about? I know we all have off days and moments of lesser motivation, but I do wonder where is the fire and zeal for life and for serving other people? Where has that gone, or have we missed it completely? Why do we do things because we have to, not because we want to?
This is a hard place to work. We get asked to respond to some of the most difficult circumstances I can imagine, so there are days when I have no energy left to seek out anyone else, when I act in self-preservation and try to recover from an emotionally draining event. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I have experienced so much grace in this environment--peers who understand the hardships we face, and an amazing amount of camaraderie. I am so thankful for that. It is a big step that we are here. Most people that I talk to can't believe that I have chosen this work, and say things like, "I could never do that." So it is a big step to be here in the first place, and I am inspired by my colleagues and friends who have made that choice. But I think something is still missing.
Where my mind begins to question is when a group of ministers would rather sit together in the basement of the Chapel than be with their flocks. It is easier to wait to be called, but where is the spirit of outward motion, the desire to evangelize? And I don't use that word to bring up the negative connotations attached to it in our society. I use it because the root of that word is based in the Greek word for Good News--the Gospel. Do we believe that we carry Good News? Do I believe that visiting the patients and staff members on my units at the Hospital is some sort of holy work of the Kingdom of God? Or, is it my obligation to get through this program, to get some credentials and a paycheck?
If my life has been changed by the love and light of God, my outlook transformed by the Hope I find in Jesus, and my goal to live a little more like He did, then what am I doing sitting around? That heart level change and soul-felt belief cannot stay contained. When we become stagnant and passive I think something has gone wrong. This does not just apply to a group of Chaplains at one hospital in North Carolina. We are tired and worn out and have amazingly hectic and draining schedules. But we are also guided and loved by a God who is unendingly creative and eternally faithful. Our God promises to always be with us.
This past Advent season was particularly meaningful for me. I have never spent so much time in a place full of so much pain and in need of so much hope, and the idea of waiting for morning to dawn and dispel the darkness has never been so powerful. During the weeks leading up to Christmas I was constantly amazed and often tearful when I thought of the words, "The Thrill of Hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn." These are such powerful words that have become almost too familiar. We have sung them so many times that we do not take the time to think about them. The hope of the season of Advent is that we have spent the time waiting to be redeemed, waiting to be rescued, waiting for the Messiah, and He has come. It is not in the way that was expected--actually, it is quite ironic that the awaited military conquerer, the Messiah, appeared as a baby in a barn covered in hay. The answer to the years of yearning and waiting for the Hebrew people and the symbolic weeks of waiting for us in Advent are answered with the Miracle of Emmanuel--of "God with us." We find that God shows up in surprising ways, in the unexpected places. The hope that God is with us no matter our circumstances is one of the most holy, exciting, and meaningful promises I can imagine.
With that Good News to spur us on, what are we doing being lazy and passive? Shouldn't something spark inside of us, leading us out of our comfort zones, out to where Jesus is in the deep waters? It makes logical sense to want to stay in the boat, but that is the power of the Gospel-it draws us out of our shells, out of our safe yet unfulfilling harbor into the messy places where we find real love, real miracles, and real and full life. May we be ignited today with heart-level motivation, inspired by the life and love of Jesus and the God that he showed to us, the God who shows up even in the most insignificant and surprising places. Let us go out today, leave the boat, leave the basement, and experience life...or in this line of work, maybe experience death, but either way let us go out knowing that God is with us to embrace us and guide us no matter the circumstances we face. Amen.
